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TIME TO TAKE A BREAK AND HAVE SOME FUN!

Being a terrible home-maker isn't tragic!
It can actually be quite funny!



Filthy House Facts:
** Company will never come over when the house is neat and tidy!

** Cleaning the places where nobody ever looks (like under the microwave) is pointless!

** It is absolutely impossible to have both the kids and the house clean in the same day (sometimes, even the same week!).

** Filthy House Syndrome is contagious. Your yard, car, and purse will surely "catch it" sooner or later.

** Laundry can only be done in three phases.

-PHASE 1: Wash, leave sit for days.
-PHASE 2: Put in dryer, leave sit for days.
-PHASE 3: Take out of dryer, stuff in empty
basket or dump into piles on the beds.


** Eating out is beautiful.


** It's easier to move than to clean!!


** Dusting sucks!


** Washing the sheets is not necessary since they are always "protected" by piles of toys and clothes.


** Surgical masks and gloves are helpful to have when going into the restroom.


** The house always looks better in the dark.

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TOP 10 REASONS NOT TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE:

10. Your kids will just destroy it again!

9. You don't want your filthy friends to think that you are showing off!

8. You just cleaned the house two months ago!

7. The weather channel just announced a tornado is in the area and your hoping it hits your place!

6. You are too busy "monitoring" what your kids are watching on TV!

5. The house is so messy that you can't find the broom!

4. You have a headache!

3. You don't want to take all the fun away from your spouse!

2. You won't have time to get on-line!

1. It's been so long since you've cleaned that you forgot how!





Things to do to avoid housework:


* TALK ON THE PHONE
* PLAY WITH THE KIDS
* READ
* WRITE A LETTER
* PLAY ON THE COMPUTER
* SHOP
* BRUSH YOUR TEETH
* COUNT LOOSE CHANGE
* DAYDREAM
* LEAVE FOR THE DAY
* COLOR
* WATCH TV
* WONDER AROUND AIMLESSLY
* LISTEN TO THE RADIO OR CD PLAYER
* ANYTHING!!!!




You know your house is
really FILTHY when...


* You have to use a jack hammer to clean the
YUCK off the kitchen floor!


* You can smell the stinch before you get
in the door!


* The rats have moved to the neighbors!


* The Board of Health is fining you one hundred dollars a day until you clean up that toxic
dump of yours!


* The kids want to go live with Grandma!


* The mailman delivers your mail in a
"hazardous waste suit".


* You wake up and have no idea what
room you are in!


Have an unsupportive spouse? You're not alone!

What's for Dinner?

If you dare ask, "Is this what's for dinner?",
I'll slap you so hard - you'll be thinner!

I'm warning you not to say,
"So, what did you do all day?"

You think going to work is rough,
do you think my job isn't tough?

Some respect and gratitude you'd better send,
or my anger towards you will never end.

I beg of you to understand,
that I could use a helping hand.

With kids and a house to clean,
I don't have time for a partner that's mean.

If you do not try to be a better man,
I promise you'll be sleeping outside in the van!



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